'am lost.. mayotteru...

im lost... huhuhu

 

NIGHTMARES

I'm having weird dreams lately... for 3 consecutive days, i've been dreaming of near death experiences.. di ko gaano maalala yung nangyari sa isa, but the other two, naaalala ko.. yung isa, may 2 magnanakaw na pumasok sa bahay (sa bahay namin dati sa bulacan ang setting ng parehong dream ko)  and killed me, or atleast tried to kill me.. i got shot and stabbed and left to die outside the house.. at nagpanggap akong patay na.. the second one, may nagbabarilan sa labas ng bahay namin.. ang dami dami... magkabilang panig.. parang giyera sa mindanao ang dating.... tapos lagi ako muntik tamaan ng bala sa loob ng bahay, nagtatago, takot na takot.... grabe! nakakatakot ah~! ayoko maexperience ang mga ito sa totoong buhay!

posted by: hyde_chan at 10:17 | link | comments (2) |

Inspired quotes from Sex in the City...

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want
you, nothing can make him stay.  -( Yebah!!! I love this one! )

2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him lone.

4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

6. Don't force an attraction.

7. Slower is better.

8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't
mistreat a friend.

10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith
make you stupid. God does
things decent and in order.

11. Don't settle.

12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as
a BIG sign that he is
unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?

14. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad
at yourself a year later for
staying when things are not better.

15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a
whole lot of mess.

16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

17. There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.

18. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different
women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he
treat you any differently?

19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.

20. Always put yourself and your happiness first. (Selfish ako eh.. hehe)

21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers
you, speak up.

23. If he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.

24. Be honest and upfront.

25. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.

26. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the
situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move
on).

27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how
he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).

28. There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental
abuse. If he causes any of
them...flee.

29. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.

30. Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to
follow himself -- double-standard.

31. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even
if he has more
education or in a better job.

32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

33. Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!

34. Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are
attracted to what they see.

35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is.Confront him right
away and if you feel he's lying,
let him go.

36. Actions speak louder than words.

37. Never let a man define who you are.

38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.

39. Never borrow someone else's man.

40. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt
you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be w! ith him.

42. To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.

43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of
the #1person in your life.

44. Love is a verb ...

45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone
unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone
unloving-loving.

46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

47. All men are NOT dogs.

48. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a
two way street.

49. If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.

50. You cannot mend someone else's broken heart. (YEP!! Only time can heal)

51. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing
cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship.

52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship
consists of two
WHOLE individuals...look for someone complementary...not supplementary.

53. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.

55. Never become your man's "therapist".

56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to
the actions.

57. A ! real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can
end it - but it takes two to make it work.

58. Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves
you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn't do
for you.

59. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you
are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for
granted.

60. Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure
him to spend time with you, You cant force a man to hang out with you.

61. If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn't.

62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

63. Never move into his mother's house.
64. Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.

65. Never co-sign for a man.

66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.

67.! Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.

68. Never let a man mess up your credit.

69. When it's time to let go; let go.

70. Good men should be treated like good men.

71. Don't play games.

72. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

73. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs,
personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.

75. Never date a guy who wears colored contacts. (TRUE!!! Magiging mas maganda pa siya sa akin!! ako lang ang may karapatang mag-contacts ng colored! hahaha)

 

posted by: hyde_chan at 18:44 | link | comments (2) |

My angst tastes like...

Lime
Find your angst's flavor

Sour yet intriguing, your angst is of the romantic variety. You probably spend a good portion of your time daydreaming about that one person you want, how your first date would be, how you'd love to do certain things, and above all how everlastingly happy you would be together. While there's nothing wrong with this, you know that it's unhealthy to spend too much time dreaming and not enough time in reality, and to build lofty goals and fantasies that no actual person could ever hope to achieve. Try to center yourself and cut back on time spent in your fantasy life; you may find out all that experience creating romantic moments has made you quite the charmer if you would only try!


Or, since I'm just so nice, you can cheat and look at the other results

posted by: hyde_chan at 17:26 | link | comments |

Entry back dated - Friday FEB 18, 05

I'm at work.. just finished 2 days training course about - Cultures at Work.
It's a nice training to take for people who are working with different folks all over the world. Even in local settings, when each one of us have different ethnicity, values, social and sub-cultural background, this could be applied as well. Since I'm part of a regional team and a global team as well with clients from Asia and Western Europe, I really appreciate what I've learned in the course....
KASO LANG, I really am soooo sleepy the whole day...
Why?? Because of the FAIR last night, which I must say was all Worth it! It's so far the best fair I had, in terms of performers! Di ko pa ata na-experience ang fair na maraming songs na sobrang gusto ko ang kinanta! Most of my Current Fave Songs were performed (Wag na Wag - Kitchie, Torete,Sulat-Moonstar88, Suntok sa Buwan-Session Rd)..Asteeg! At Ok talaga!! Ang mga "jologs" na nanggugulo sa Fair palagi ay controlled. Ang daming bouncers na nakabantay sa kanila.  So sad, I wasn't able to hear Sugarfree's Hari ng Sablay.. it was already 1 am when they started playing and I really have to go home and get some sleep and wake up earlier than usual - due to my training.. But all in all, it was fun!!!SULIT! eto nga lang, I'm suffering today... Still, I'll go to the fair tonight :)

Tsubibo and Pugita ride again!

Present - 23 Feb 05

Eto, inaantok pa rin.. Naiinis sa di malamang dahilan. Pero malamang, alam ko na kung bakit..haaay... bahala na..

posted by: hyde_chan at 15:40 | link | comments (5) |

Scared

Kahapon papunta ako sa SM North para manood ng sine..

Pero bago ako pumunta sa SM North, nasa MRT Ayala Stn ako, pasakay na ng tren, nang sumabog yung bus sa Ayala! akala ko yung tren na sasakyan ko yung sumabog! Scary! Ang Ingay! ang gulo! tapos di ko alam kung ano yung sumabog. Hinahanap ko kung may usok, may bumagsak ba, may gumuho pero la ako makita.. Naririnig ko lang ay wang wang ng mga alarms sa buong stn.. at nakikita ko yung mga nagtatakbuhang mga guards.. pero wala akong idea kung ano na ang nangyayari..nakakatakot pala..got the scare of my life.. hahaha.. tapos habang hinihintay ang susunod na tren at nagkakagulo ng onti sa stn at ang ingay ingay pa rin ng mga alarms, naisip ko, pano kaya kung yung tren na sinakyan ko ay sumabog.. tapos isa ako sa mga casualties...pano ako makikilala ng pamilya ko kung hahanapin nila ako? buo pa kaya katawan ko nun? Kaya ngyon palang kailangan ko na isipin kung gusto ko ipalibing o magpacremate na lang.. cremation na lang siguro kasi mas tipid..tutal dead na ako nun. la na difference...sad naman.. dami pa ako gusto gawin sa life ko na di ko pa nagagawa o nararating.. ano kaya ang reaksyon ng mga tao? masaya, malungkot, umiiyak, o natutuwa kasi nabawasan ng biatch ang mundo.. eniwei, ayoko naman mangyari pa sa akin yun. marami pa ako gusto gawin sa life ko!
Hay, pesteng mga AbuSayyaf yan! Mamatay na silang lahat!
_________________ 

posted by: hyde_chan at 14:19 | link | comments (5) |

 got this from a friend.... nice... true... creepy... sad  

The "parang kayo, pero hindi"
stage...
Others call it MU or mutual understanding.
Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends.
Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It
is a phase where the persons involved are more
than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may
verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of
you may have admitted your feelings, possible
ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking
for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari.
Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga
sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can
happen at different stages for different reasons. It
can happen after a break-up. You still love each
other, and you want to be with each other but you
broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you
alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.
It can also happen before a
relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.
Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso
kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng
maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy --
may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya
nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-
break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa),
wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi
siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for
a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka
lang naman ng "kalaro."
Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect
na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang
kasiguraduhan.
So bakit ang daming nagse-settle
sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado
kung may patutunguhan?
Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for
fun lang.
Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na
iyang "pantawid-gutom."
Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing,
doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious
relationship, they would think that pseudo-
relationship is better than no relationship at all. It
would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig"
feeling.
Aminado naman ako na once upon
a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No
commitments involved. For the simplest reason
that they couldn't commit, because they were
either committed to someone else, or that they
weren't ready to commit.
My rationalization, "okay na iyun,
kesa wala."
Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong
kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung
kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa
beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone,
mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa
kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging
kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing,
puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.
But then I learned that although it
was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions
were
real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae
lagi ang lugi.

Una, you can't ask him to commit.
Since it's not really a relationship, you can't
demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba
kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng
hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about
your role in his life. You can't expect him to be
always there with you. And if you feel jealous of
the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.
Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply
in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the
same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal
ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you
love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll
like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang.
This stage will always make you wonder where
you are in the relationship.
Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become
attached too much?
What if you have invested all your emotions and
this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him,
not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he
is seeing other girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-
relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement
sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that
would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious
relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar
sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang
pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship,
there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me,"
hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din
lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real
pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-
relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one
day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be
miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to
have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in
another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.
Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this
kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting
yourself in the process.
Pero puwede naman maiwasan
ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna
isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without
thinking of the consequences.
But if you are certain that you are
going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo
mamili. You can be happy and live the moment
without worrying what would happen next. Or you
can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and
wait for the real thing.
When I was younger and in a
pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a
friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil,
bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang
iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung
magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang
ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang
kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo.
Usually, hanggang doon lang siya... almost, but
not quite.
hope you learned something...

posted by: hyde_chan at 13:06 | link | comments (3) |

Di ako naniniwala sa  valentine..

Ilang beses ko na ba ito ginamit sa mga speech ko noon. Ba't ako maniniwala eh isang way lang ito na pagkakitaan ang mga couples. At saka pagan din naman pinagmulan nito..
Sa lahat ng wikang alam ko, inispeech ko na ito..Hanggang ngayon, ganun pa rin naman ang aking pananaw. Di pa rin ako naniniwala.
Pero bakit ganon? Bakit ko nararamdaman ang kaunting lungkot? Hindi naman ako ganito dati. Motto ko pa sa buhay na "Kung ayaw sa akin, wag ipilit".. Yan pa rin naman ang motto ko..Ba't ko naman pipilitin ang taong ayaw sa akin! His loss anyway.  Pero minsan, di ko maiwasang mag-isip, bakit nga ba ayaw sa akin? Ano bang nagawa ko na ayaw sa akin? Ano bang kulang sa akin para ayawan ako?
Bakit ang dami kong kakilala na masaya na dahil natagpuan na nila ang  mahal nila sa buhay?
Bakit ako di ko makita yun!? Bakit ako hindi masaya ngayon?  Siguro di ko nga pwede makuha lahat. Tama nang meron akong trabaho at "career" at mga kaibigan na alam kong hindi ako iiwan....
Atleast yun, ibinigay sa akin. Masyadong magiging perpekto ang buhay kung lahat ng gusto ko makukuha ko.
Alam ko naman yun.. pero mahirap pa rin!! Ano bang pinagsasasabi ko rito!? Masaya naman ako sa buhay single.
Masarap maging single kasi lahat ng bagay pwede kong gawin! Pwede pa ako makapamili ng mga taong gusto ko maka-date.At kahit ilan pa sila, walang problema! Masya diba!

Tama! Maniwala ka. Di talaga ako apektado :(
 

posted by: hyde_chan at 15:58 | link | comments (2) |

 have you ever felt that you're in one of the crossroads of your life?? i'm feeling that way now.. i dunno why.. maybe i'm experiencing quarterlife crisis.. or maybe even more.. It feels like I have to CHOOSE NOW but I'm not ready to do it yet.. I don't even know if I'm given a choice..it seems mandated.. still, I don't want to do anything.. I don't want the choice I'm being forced to take.. still lost in my own lil world..

heck! I know it'll be over soon.. and in the end, i know what choice I should take..It's very obvious I guess.. it's just the same thing i accepted long time ago.. and i'll stick with it (I hope)... i'm just buying some time... time for myself.

posted by: hyde_chan at 18:57 | link | comments |

Ganun pala!

Grabe!!! ngayon ko lang napatunayan na totoo pala ang mga sinasabi ng mga kanta tungkol sa epekto ng sobrang pag-inom ng inuming de-alkohol.. totoo pala ang lahat ng aking mga naririnig na kwento ng mga nakaranas na nito... ang tahimik dumadaldal, ang duwag nagiging matapang, ang mataray nagiging iyakin!! hahaha! hulaan nyo kung alin ako dyan! di ko alam kung gusto ko pagsisihan ang mga nangyari.. dinadamayan ko lang ang isang kaibigan na mukhang pinagbagsakan ng langit at lupa sa lungkot pero pati ako nadamay... di ko alam kung may tama ba sa mga pangyayari... parang wala.. dapat ay nagkaroon ako ng kontrol sa aking sarili.. dapat ay di ko hinayaang umabot sa puntong hindi ko na kaya.. nahihiya ako sa lahat ng nakakita sa akin doon. Sana naman di nagbago ang pagtingin nila sa akin. Sana rin makalimutan ko ang mga pangyayari.. pero parang pinaglalaruan ako ng aking isipan.. sa buong gabi ng aking pagtulog, paulit ulit kong napanaginipan ang mga nangyari.. Ang mga bawat salitang bitinawan ay pilit na pinaaalala sa akin... haay.. ang di lang pala totoo sa mga sinasabi ng mga nalasing ay na nakakalimutan nila ang mga pangyayari.. sana ganon nga! haay... noon gusto ko malasing! di ko pa ito naranasan.. ngayong naranasan ko na, ayoko na yatang maulit.. ayoko nang umiyak. lalong lalo na sa harap ng ibang tao..ayokong makita ako bilang mahina.. hindi ako ganon.. o siguro magaling ako magtago.. buti na lang mga kaibigan ko ang mga nakakita sa akin.. alam kong naiintindihan nila ako :-)

Kampai!!  

posted by: hyde_chan at 17:54 | link | comments (4) |